Mile Repeats and Cemetery Restroom Stops

21 Nov

This past Tuesday morning I was still a little stiff from Saturday’s long run. Despite my stiffness, I surprisingly hopped out of bed for that morning’s run. I was excited to run because I knew my pal Em would be able to stay for coffee afterwards (she always has to skip to get to work on time). This was cause for celebration.

As I was headed out the door I noticed I had gotten the following text from her:

Driving up to 7-11 to use restroom.

I shook my head, wondered if she had potato soup again the night before (WARNING: never have potato soup the night before a run), shot back a quick “Okay” and jumped in my car.

I was surprised when I pulled up to our meet-up spot to find her waiting for me. Girl took care of bidness fast. Mmhmmm.

The day before I had sent an email to the group suggesting we did mile repeats (run a mile, walk 2 minutes, repeat) for Tuesday’s run, rather than our usual group 5 and 1’s (run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute, repeat). I did this because of what had happened earlier that day:

The work potluck Thanksgiving lunch. This was just the dessert table.

You can see why I was feeling about 5 pounds heavier and was in the need of burning some extra calories. Plus, I have the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, which I plan to run through, walking only while I’m grabbing water.

Em was the only other runner to RSVP for our little mile repeat run, so we took off towards the golf course for a flatter route.

We ran the first two miles at a good pace and felt good. It was somewhere around mile 3 that Em got that look on her face and began walking.

The conversation that followed went something like this:

Em: I need to use the restroom.

Me: Did you not go at 7-Eleven?

Em: No, I did go at 7-Eleven. I need to go again.

Me: Did you have potato soup for dinner last night?

Em: Noooo. But I did make dessert. It was good.

Me: Hmm… I see. And no soup?

Em: Well, I did have some soup for lunch.

Me: You should never have any kind of soup the entire day before your run. Soup is not your friend.

Em: But I wanted soup!

Me: So you have soup… today. After your run.

Em: But I don’t want soup anymore.

Me: Because you had it yesterday.

Em: I can’t make it to 7-Eleven. We’re going to have to see if we can get into the cemetery bathroom.

Me: What if they changed the code?

Em: They didn’t change the code.

Me: Yeah, but what if they did. And you have to pop a squat on the golf course. Or the cemetery.

Em: We should run with toilet paper. This bush here is perfect to go behind.

Me: Sometimes I do during marathons. You could use a sock.

Em: Hopefully I can get into the bathroom.

Me: What will you do if something grabs your tush while you’re in there?

Em: Nothing is going to grab my tush.

Me: Yeah, but what if someone does?

Em: We’re almost there.

Me: Do you want to cut through the cemetery?

Em: NO.

Me: You would rather mess yourself then walk through the cemetery?

Em: We are not desecrating the cemetery.

Me: We don’t have to. There’s a path.

Em: NO.

Me: Fine.

Em: Are you going to blog about this?

Me: Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you… Unless you don’t mind.

Em: I don’t mind.

Me: It would be a better post if you actually popped a squat.

Em: The code worked!

Me: Is there a light in there?

Em: No, I have to go in the dark.

Me: Something’s going to grab you. But don’t worry. I’ll be right outside the door.

Shortly after that I saw a cat walk across the cemetery and decided to step closer to the road… you know, in case something was to chase me. I heard steps in the grass behind me and I turned around to ready to kick a zombie’s head off.

Me: Oh! It’s you.

Em: Yes. Who else would it be?

Me: That was fast.

Em: I’ve never had to go in complete darkness.

Me: Did anything grab you?

Em: No.

Me: Good, good. Though it would’ve made for a better blog post.

Not knowing if the prior day’s soup and dessert would come back up to haunt Em yet again, I suggested we cut the run short. But she was insistent on finishing what we had started. Thus we did… incident free!

Afterwards we had coffee. It was a lovely finish to a shitty run. 😉


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